Update: I wrote this post at a moment when I felt something was seriously wrong with my dog.I just received his blood test results , and while nothing is certain yet, it looks like Ed may have a food allergy( thank god) . I feel like I have just won the lottery , because while still serious it is not the severe illness I had feared he may have .I considered removing this post from my blog, but it is something that is true to my feelings , and is written in the moment.I decided to keep it here as a reminder to myself not to ever take time with loved ones (human , or animal) for granted .
I am writing this now , because I have a couple of hours before I take my baby to the vet.Edward recently started to shed constantly, and I am afraid that something is seriously wrong with him.He is having his mid day nap now, and I am attempting to find other ways to keep busy other than diagnosing him on the Internet with every worse case scenario that pops up next.
Do I sound paranoid ? God I hope so .I envy the few people out there who have never had to suffer through the loss of a loved one human, or beloved pet.I remember when that was me, no one ever died in my world, and the possibility never even entered my mind.Once you have experienced the serious illness, and eventual loss of a loved one you know just how small your world can get, and how the things that you felt were important are all meaningless when you would gladly give it all away for that extra year/month/day/hour to spend with the one you are loosing.
I hope my instincts here are wrong, and if this is simply a treatable condition I will feel like the luckiest person alive.If my instincts turn out to be correct all I can say is I am really really really sick of dealing with loss, and could use a break from it.
I would happily pay any price if that vacation was offered to me.Do not take the people , or pets in your life for granted.Things have a way of changeing fast, and time is the one thing you can never get back.
Becky, I'm so glad to hear Ed is OK. I know how much he means to you and I know something of your past loss. This is a great reminder to me not to take anyone or anything for granted, as you say.
ReplyDeleteHello-
ReplyDeleteI'm a Provider in Arizona, was reading a thread on ECCIE this afternoon about the demise of the HDHs, and your comments amused me. (As did your website for Edward, handsome canine companion that he is...) I was intrigued by your personality, decided to visit your website, and now I've arrived at your blog.
It's so true what you wrote about your puppy being ill. (Puppies can be up to 19 years old...)We worry and fret because they can't tell us, "It's just an upset stomach, Mom; I'd better eat some grass and throw up, then I'll be OK." My first diagnosis is almost always parvo, and it goes down from there. I know how long those waits can be; from the time that you first notice something's different, till the appointment with the veterinarian, till the diagnostic results come back from the lab. It's excruciating. Isn't it amazing when we find out that our animals "only" have food allergies or diabetes how happy we are? At least it's not Cushing's Syndrome!! But how poignant your comment about things we think are important become meaningless, if we could just exchange them for that one more year, month, day, or even an hour. The type is getting blurry because even though it's been almost three years now, I still think of how precious that last day and last hour was with my little puppy. She's in Puppy Heaven with lots of kitties to chase, all the 'Little Caesar’s' she could ever hope to consume and she doesn’t have to hurt anymore.
And there's a new puppy now, but she'll never be Bijou. Then, everything starts all over again. One afternoon Missa is lethargic and listless, and her big brown eyes are glassy and she hardly blinks. Two hours ago she was bouncing outside with wondrous zeal. Now what? It's ironic, even though I'm a Provider, I'm also a Physician, and my Dad's a Veterinarian, but at the moment I'm just a scared woman who'd do anything to make that haunting pain go away. I call my Dad, and he says with that immediate of an onset it most likely isn't going to be anything serious. Maybe a bee sting or perhaps there was fresh fertilizer on the grass... And he's right. Later that evening she’s back to her usual playful self, but after you've lost something so precious there's no going back to that World before sorrow.
I hope Edward lives to be 500.
In the span of an afternoon, your words have taken me from silly laughter to profound sadness. You have a fascinating talent.
Regards,
Elizabeth Loveall